My Favorite Judge

If you ask Jameson what show I watch the most, he’ll tell you immediately that it’s Judge Judy. I am on YouTube every day watching old episodes of my favorite judge of all time. I am absolutely obsessed.

Judge Judy is the most sassy, honest, and spunky spitfire I know. She is so frickin’ mean, and I love every second of it, and there have been times when I’ve said out loud, “You go, Judy.” She is my spirit animal, and my greatest wish is to be able to give people unending amounts of shit just like her. She is badass.

Forget kindergarten… everything I’ve learned I learned from Judge Judy.

·       “If it doesn’t make sense, it isn’t true.”

o   Ain’t that the frackin’ truth. I feel like every day, in both small and large ways, people are being bamboozled. People are always trying to ram information down our throats, but guess what? If it doesn’t make sense, it isn’t true. (I’m talking to you, Donald Trump, mainstream media, my crazy coworker, and my son.)

·       “Put on your listening ears.”

o   This quote from Judge Judy is pure gold. How in the hell are we supposed to learn anything about anything unless we listen before we speak? We should practice active listening every single day of our lives, in every conversation we have. I’ll admit, active listening is REALLY HARD, and something I’m consistently learning and practicing.

·       “How do you know a teenager is lying? When they open their mouths.”

o   Oh, Judy. You are my QUEEN. There are so many episodes of parents standing next to their kids, finding out that their sweet little angel had lied through their teeth. If you are a parent who thinks your teen is 100% truthful with you, you are probably delusional. “But Erin, I’m close with my kids!” “Shoot Erin, my kid would never dare lie to me!” BULLSHIT. Get over yourself. I adore my son, I think he’s wonderful, and we are about as close as can be, but I still don’t trust everything that leaves his mouth.

·       “Don’t speak unless I’m speaking to you.”

o   Dang, this one is hard, especially at work. I am a huge offender of this because I LOVE TO INTERRUPT. I really am the absolute worst. Over the last several years, I’ve been learning the art of shutting the f*$k up, writing notes, and only speaking when I have a valuable contribution to the conversation, or if I’m asked a direct question. Seriously folks, I’m really bad at this, but I try every day.

·       “Beauty fades, dumb is forever.”

o   Don’t be dumb. Don’t make stupid decisions. Don’t think you can get by on charm forever or looks alone. Think before you act. Be kind. Be a good human.

Here are some other Judge Judy Gems:

“If you tell the truth, you don’t have to have a good memory.”

“If you were the trophy at the end of my race, I would walk backwards.”

“Does it look like I have stupid written across my forehead?”

“Ummmm is not an answer.”

“On your best day you’re not as smart as me on my worst day.”

“Don’t spit on my cupcake and tell me it’s frosting.”

Judge Judy’s job was to entertain. She was paid to be blunt, and she definitely earned her money. JJ didn’t sugar coat anything, she only gave respect when it was due, and she didn’t make people feel good about themselves just to be nice. When Judy was on the bench, she was fair. She abhorred deadbeat parents, liars, and “bums” of every gender, age, and color. I know Judge Judy is far from perfect, but she certainly doled out some great advice in her time.

Judge Judy was absolutely ruthless (which I find horrifyingly delightful).

I’m pretty sure we can all pick and choose delicious nuggets of knowledge from my favorite judge. Check her out on YouTube. You’re welcome.